More Change

As time goes by there are continual changes that occur it seems.  I have leased the space in our office building.   probably the most difficult thing I have had to change and probably the last piece keeping me tied to the past. It's difficult to imagine that life would work out this way much less to live it.   However at this point I have a great solution ahead of me that week take a big load off as well.  And the people moving on are really nice and helpful.   While it doesn't make it ready it does make it easier.

If I can get the space cleaned out I will have moved mountains in my world.   It's so hard to explain how hard these tasks are when you are so connected to it...but like all else...I will get through it.  And on to a brighter new year.   Wish me luck!

Holiday Reflections

I sit tonight watching a Netflix show on the Rockettes Chrismas show that Brandi and I went to see just a year ago.  It's the same exact show - well rehearsed as it has been for years!    It was such a special time for us...but also one that would forecast so much change over the next year.  I find myself having to share my kids now with their spouses/significant others, with their jobs and their careers, and their hobbies and activities.  While that's as it should be, I miss them.  I'm sure you who have kids leave feel the same thing.  I'm thankful that they are happy and living their dreams.  That's the most important accomplishment a parent can have.

Time to make new memories and new traditions.  And have the happiest holiday ever!  The house is nearly decorated...and I wanted to share it with you.  

Holidays

About the time I think I'm moving forward with my "new" life - something comes up that makes me realize I'm not quite there yet.  The holidays are one of those times.  Every Christmas ornament comes with a story - with a memory.  Maybe it was because I was alone this Christmas while decorating - but it certainly was a trip down memory lane.  It's a reminder of the good and the not so good times of the last 40 years of my life.  I began collecting dated ornaments with the very first tree I had in my first apartment in 1976...and have a dated ornament from every year since then.  It's quite a collection now and one I hope that my kids will treasure.  For me, it is wrapped up in the reflections of years gone by.  Many of the memories are happy times - some of them sad - and some of them will never be the same.  Life changes...none of us survives it in this body.  While the spirit lives on, our identity in the body dies with the body.  We miss those who have passed on from this life and for me this holiday was the worst yet.

On the brighter side, it's part of the grieving process to miss people who you have lost.  But it's not a hopeless time either.  I have great friends and family - I have a new significant other in my life...and while things aren't always perfect or easy - everything I finish is another thing I don't have to face again.  With the final close of my deceased husband's business comes a lot of heartbreak - probably the hardest thing I have had to face other than his actual death in that first month.  I have been part of his Chiropractic practice since day 1.  It's hard to give up the outflow of help to all those patients over the years.  I cannot even begin to explain how much it would have meant to me to sell the practice - and continue to deliver healthcare to all of those patients I know and love.  But it was not meant to be.  I can't keep my husband alive by doing that and it just was not working out in so many ways.  So the practice was closed.  Now only the cleanup remains.  The building was remodeled and new tenants will be moving in soon.  It's only left for me to close the books and move out the furnishings.  But it is so very difficult to do at the same time.  It's a huge emotional drain.  I want it to be done and yet no one is there to help...so it gets done slowly over time.  The longer it takes, the sadder it feels.

So during this holiday - I am trying to remember to be thankful for the "new" life that will result from all of these changes and to be thankful for all the gifts that I received in a lifetime with Verle.  I have beautiful children and a bright future to enjoy.  Time will help - although I will always remember....

Have a happy holiday and keep looking for the brighter future that awaits you!  Together we can create a better world!

When one gets really sad news

I got a message last week that my Dad's last wife (he's been gone since 1990-ish) passed away.  This morning I decided to look up the obituary and send my condolences to her sons.  What I found was truly shocking to me.  I only found an article about an 86 year old grandmother by the same name that was murdered by her grandson about a month ago.  I am fairly certain that it is the same person.  How awful!  I feel terrible that I didn't know about it in a timely fashion.  My Uncle just got a message recently from one of the sons.  I'm waiting to hear if that in fact was the same woman I knew so many years ago so that I can hopefully respond appropriately.

I have not been in touch with her regularly as her mail was usually returned to me.  Then I would run across something later and we would have a brief conversation...then no more for some time.  I remember her as a fun-loving caring person.  I am really surprised that she remained single for all these years.  She was much better off financially as I recall than even my Dad...and she loved to put on airs and take me shopping when I was young.  It was quite a shock in my younger days to see how differently the store people treated her - as compared to me.  While I was equally as able to spend money as she was - because I was 30 years her junior...she got all the attention!  It was entertaining for me and I never took anything personally.  By the time I began to visit them, I was over my materialism to a great degree - so mostly found the whole scene entertaining.

As I reflect on those early life lessons, this is what I gained from them.  I would rather by fashionable, trendy things from a cheap store so that I feel no guilt if I get tired of it and give it away later.  I once bought a purse that I spent a lot of money on...and I couldn't ever part with it because it was an investment.  Never again! It went away when I moved finally although I had not used it for years.  I would rather travel and spend money on experiences than gather more things that I have to care for and dust.  Those trinkets are just not important anymore and I can seldom remember why or where I bought them.  I love to take pictures...although I really don't do anything with them either.  Thankfully it's all digital and I can just enjoy the hobby of it without thinking about what I must do with it (or where to store it as in the case of print film and pictures).  Just remember to always make backups as they are your most favorite memories in the making and someday that will be important to you and your family.  Someday I will get all those prints into digital format I hope.

My life is an open book on which I can now create.  You can never sit by complacently and wait as bad things happen to good people on this planet.  Live your bucket list NOW!  Don't wait til tomorrow if you can do it today.  While I realize that most of us must work for a living, be diligent in planning your bucket list trip for next year.  Where do you want to go in 2017?  My first trip is to Panama as I have always wanted to see and experience the Panama Canal.  So I have researched and made plans to tour the country.  I can hardly wait.  Yesterday I researched how to travel lightly as the small planes have serious weight limits and a lot of our travel is rural.  So exciting!  I plan to do some travel writing in the future...so watch for those details coming soon!  In the meantime, I ordered travel gear to make traveling light a reality.

Have the best week of 2016 this week as we start to approach Thanksgiving.  Be grateful for all that life has given you!  Tell someone thank you today!

Today's meanderings...

Perhaps I will start a non-profit that helps to make a difference.  There are so many worthwhile causes out there...for me it's about helping individuals and families...not administrations.  Worthwhile causes get down and dirty with the people they are helping.  I'm about natural healthcare as the first option, medical healthcare only after that if natural fails.  I am against drugs that make people commit suicide or do crazy things.  I'm about education that truly educates.  The current system is failing our youth.  I'm about giving people equal rights - protecting human rights for all. I'm about making businesses succeed and an economy that flourishes and prospers.  I want to help able people become more able so that this happens.  I'm about making the world a better place one person at a time.  I love to help!

Election is over

I for one am just thankful that the nasty election is over.  While there were not the best choices, the government will carry on.  With good people positive changes can be made - good people like you and I in the trenches of life.  We can start to make a difference right here in our communities.  Without the media that's all we would know.  So today - make a difference in someone's life.  Even a very small difference.  Buy someone a cup of coffee....give them a half hour of your time to listen to them and their needs and acknowledge them as a person.  Simple - inexpensive and worth it!  Start today.  Too much for you to do...then just give someone a smile and tell them to have a great day...That is enough.  You are enough at whatever level you are!  Try it and let me know how it goes.
As I begin to plan for 2017, decisions have to be made on what events I will continue to produce and which ones I must leave behind.  My purpose is to make a difference in the lives of those in my community, family, and life.  Without community support it becomes difficult to fund and continue...so my quest is to find people with common goals that can help.

Building all my dreams into one lifetime sometimes seems monumental and pie in the sky...but if I don't try I can never succeed.  So I will start with the brand new day that I have before me and see where it will take me.  I'm excited to go my global entry meeting and get that done!  Travel will be easier and since my outreach tends to extend past the borders, I will look forward to making it as easy as possible.  Tomorrow I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to take a painting class!  It's been a little while since I allowed myself the creative time that I long for everyday!

Go forth today and make a difference!  If you don't know how, ask...Smile and carry on!  Love your family and your friends - practice your faith and believe in yourself.  See the world is already a better place because of you!  Have the best day ever!

Another Brand New Day!

Today is election day in the US.  I for one will be glad that it's over.  There is SO much information and dirty politics that there is NO truth anywhere.  You really can't believe anything that the media publishes.  They are only making money by sensationalizing everything.  Where do you find the truth?  Look inside...that's my best advice.  Trust yourself to make the best possible decision even if that's not voting for either of the two candidates.  Neither are worthy if you ask me to serve you, the citizens of this great nation.  I don't have a resolution on how to vote today...but what I know is that we must vote for our local representation and those things that will affect us locally.  Keep good people in Congress both locally and nationally.  They are the ones who more closely represent how I feel and you feel.  They are approachable.  You can have a reasonable conversion with them, get a response to a matter that concerns you, etc.  Don't forget that we are as a people a great nation.  What the media chooses to spread is just gossip and rumors designed to make all of us more robotic and less cause over our own worlds.  Don't buy into it.  Be yourself...Be valuable...Flourish and Prosper.  It will be ok.

Have a great Election Day and remember to respect the system.  If we don't like the system, then we need to work together to come up with a better one - but for now we should respect it.

Growth

Personal growth is always the most exciting and fulfilling feeling.  Sometimes you can't predict the source from which it will come.  It always comes from within when new data is learned or old outdated data is disposed of.  The past can hold you down when it comes to personal growth for sure.  Be open to learning new things and having new experiences.  Despite whatever life hands you...you can blossom where you land.  Be open...grow and expand.  Life awaits you...

Long trip away

We are heading south for somewhere between 2 and 6 weeks for me to take another step or two on my personal spiritual adventure.  It feels like a great time to look at the future and imagine what  I would like to create and how I would like to do so.  I'm looking forward to gaining abilities that will propel me into the future. 

It's interesting to plan to leave for a month or two.  While I have been away that long, it generally was a short trip extended rather than a planned excursion.  I'm really excited and scared at the same time.  It will be exciting and fun no doubt...but anything that causes personal growth and change is a little scary too.

I will keep you posted as time goes by and share some of the gains with you too.  Have a great fall and enjoy the cooler weather. 

Things are looking brighter!

You now know that I have been struggling with things over the last month as life continues on the path forward.  There are a lot of things to be concerned about in the world around us...but some days we need to take time to look around and realize that we are continuing in a path forward.  We are creating our own future each and every day.  We need to acknowledge our hand in the contribution to the world around us.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I can finally see some forward progress in my world.  Some corners have been turned and I'm on a truly healing journey.  It's been a year or two of many significant losses that finally seem to be easier to handle.  I am granting beingness to myself to grieve in the ways that I needed to grieve and at the times I needed to do so.  I have so many friends and mentors that constantly stood by my side and said what a great job I was doing and am still doing.  Thank you!  That is what propels me to look at the world newly each and every day.  While it's hard at times and I still feel guilty at times for being still here when others are not, it does get easier every day.

My future looks bright and I'm looking forward to the spiritual journey I'm preparing to embark upon next week.  As I strive to be the best being I can be, I am preparing for a few weeks of personal enhancement and figuring out how I can be the best person possible.  I also hope that I can identify and embrace some new purposes and paths to follow as the future unfolds.  I will keep you posted on my journey and hope that you will also embrace your own journey too!

Have a great weekend coming up.  Take time for you and share some of you with those you love.

Families

They dynamics between family members particularly in times of loss are always an interesting study.  As we are visiting with family the past seems to be the elephant in the room that no one really talks about.

What are we afraid to say? How much pain we feel...how many regrets we have?  Are we angry to be the one still here? 

I have always subscribed to more communication not less is the road out. It's hard to get people to talk but so healing when you can do so.  Today would have been Verle's 59th birthday.  It's sad that he never saw this day.  But life continues and so does he somewhere...somehow.  His spirit lives on eternally.  His contributions are well remembered. And our lives continue to a new chapter.

Here's to families and healing times. 

Life goes on

Today I'm struggling.  For no real reason..just feels like a struggle.  I met with a new perspective client for a big event..and I'm torn.  Do I continue on the path or is it time to make a new one?  And if it's a new one...what will that look like? 

I'm reconnecting with work and knowing I enjoy it makes me want to help.  Yet really I want to travel and not make the commitments to others that I might not be able to fill to the perfection level that I  demand of myself.  I feel a little lost with no clear direction in life.  I don't know what's right for me?  I feel guilty not wanting to work.  I feel guilty that my position is what it is because of a tragedy and loss.  It's a real struggle for me.

How do you handle crossroads in your life?  I'm heading to my church for some help in figuring out what I need to do in the next month.  Some spiritual healing is needed for sure. 

What I do know is that things will work out.  The pieces will once more become a whole. While today is not my best day ever...the future is bright and life will go on. 

Take care and make it a good day!  Tell someone how much you love them...now.

Another week

The struggle is real...famous millennial quote as that is what my daughter says often.  With fall and cooler weather we have been fighting colds this week in our household.  Colds come from threat of a loss generally speaking.  Maybe it's as simple as the loss of warm summer days...or a season where not enough was accomplished.  For me it was the loss of the chiropractic business. 

How do you deal with loss?  It's always a struggle whether it's a person who passed away or something that it's simply time to give it up and move on to something else.  I try to focus on the future and what can I do that's even better than before.  For me...I now have rental property to fill.  I have repairs make and updates to the building that I must invest in to make it so.  If I focus on the future create, I seem to have less regrets from the past.  My biggest concern is the amount of time it takes to get it done.  It's hard to pack up the office and move ahead...but so healing and necessary at the same time.

How are you handling the losses in your life..big and small? 

Here's to a brighter future.  Live life large as it can be fleeting.  I'm focusing on tomorrow while living today to the fullest possible.  Here's to a great weekend!

New day and progress

Home Sweet Home

The best feeling in the world is walking into my house after having been gone for awhile.  I noticed that it still smells new even though it's nearly a year since I moved in.  I am a lucky girl to have such a lovely place to live in for the rest of my life as I choose.  I am thankful and grateful time have a home to always return to from my travels.  It's my safe haven from the stress and trials of life and the stressful world.  It's close to my children and I love that as well. 

It truly is the relationships in my life that are most important to me...and the experiences that I get to create with them when they allow me.  Van is not home and I miss him...but I will see him in a few hours.  He is a special addition to my life and I treasure what we have together.  

As I decompress from traveling and running the nearly two week conference for my VPEducation post for the last time...I have learned many lessons that one will share over time.  For today...this is enough.  I am home and feeling very grateful today.  On my way to the Eastern side of the state soon.  

Hope your day is a good one too. 

Homeward bound

Today I head back home to Idaho after nearly two weeks in New Orleans.  I am a volunteer member of the board for the American Needlepoint Guild. Bet you didn't know that about me?  I'm a certified teacher and judge, as well as a Master Needleartist.  I'm good at finishing programs anyway but never made any money at any of those.  It has been a hard and stressful job for which there is little appreciation especially since the loss of my husband.

One of the things that I can look back on and realize is that I always said I was ok...and I was at the moment...but I was never really ok.  Sudden loss changes you to the very core of your being.  You are different in an instant.  It's hard to embrace those changes or even to realize the magnitude of how it changes you.  Everyone tells you not to change anything or make any major decisions for a year.  And yet you inherit instant changes whether you want them or not.  It's this strange dichotomy of change but don't. That causes one to think she's getting along just fine and suddenly someone you know and trust tells you that what you did was a disaster.  Hard to live with.  Where were they when the disasters occurred in the last year?  They are immune as they haven't had those kinds of losses.  And until you do...you don't understand the process.  Life is sometimes not fair.  But what I do know is there is always a silver lining and I will continue to unveil my silver linings as they are discovered with you. 

For now...I'm wearing my Bronco gear and saying Go Big Blue as they are now playing the first game of the season just down the road a couple of hours from here...should have gone to the game...dang it. 

Elusive Sleep

I don't know if I'm unique...but sleep has become so very elusive.  I long for a full night that I just sleep without dreaming..without waking up every other hour.  Falling asleep is manageable for me...but staying asleep or feeling refreshed when I wake just doesn't seem to happen.

I'm frequently trying various things...music...meditation...supplements. So far I have not found the secret.

Do you dream at night?  Do you think there is any significance in your dreams?  I work in my dreams so that adds to my fatigue the next morning.  I'm currently dreaming about finances in regard to work, like how much to I charge an attendee for this function or that tour.  And since I'm esessntially planning to retire I really don't understand where these dreams are coming from in origin.  What is the underlying message?  Why do I create these at night?  What am I worrying needlessly about?

I continue to search for tips and remedies and things that work.  If you have a routine that helps you please share it with me!

A new day...

I have been considering writing this blog for some time now.  I keep putting it off but tonight I was only slightly inspired.  It's a real pain to take an existing blogger and try to rename it.  But here we go.  I don't know if this one will stick but I wanted to share some of my life in the hopes that it might improve yours.

This week was another tough one for me.  I finally got the big house sold last week...or maybe the week before now...and you would think I could be on cruise control for awhile.  But NO..that is not my life.  This week yet another big blow up.  After being told for 6 weeks that my chiropractor would continue and take over the business as of September 1...when I leave town he decides to leave the business as he doesn't believe that he can make it.  It's better I find out now than later I know.  But yet it's another ended cycle in my prior life.  And yet another loss.  It gets old trying to make things go right for everyone and having people just walk away without even trying.  It is so frustrating and disheartening.  It really does make one more selfish because the more one gives - the more people poop all over you. 

Maybe that's enough of a rant.  Maybe not.  Lesson learned - get a contract in place for something before you do any work on that project.  I spent the last few weeks remodeling to suit him and then he walks out on it.  WHAT????

Really enough! At least I had a good Breakfast at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans this morning!

Learn from this.  People don't do what they say.  Maybe a contractual agreement first would help them get their head out of the sand and make a decision.  I now have two staff unemployed because I didn't have time to make a new plan fast enough because I was mislead into thinking we were on an agreed upon plan.  Why when I leave town does this happen?  I must really be scary to tell the truth to - that's all I can say.  

Tomorrow is a new day...I will let you know how it goes.