Today I head back home to Idaho after nearly two weeks in New Orleans. I am a volunteer member of the board for the American Needlepoint Guild. Bet you didn't know that about me? I'm a certified teacher and judge, as well as a Master Needleartist. I'm good at finishing programs anyway but never made any money at any of those. It has been a hard and stressful job for which there is little appreciation especially since the loss of my husband.
One of the things that I can look back on and realize is that I always said I was ok...and I was at the moment...but I was never really ok. Sudden loss changes you to the very core of your being. You are different in an instant. It's hard to embrace those changes or even to realize the magnitude of how it changes you. Everyone tells you not to change anything or make any major decisions for a year. And yet you inherit instant changes whether you want them or not. It's this strange dichotomy of change but don't. That causes one to think she's getting along just fine and suddenly someone you know and trust tells you that what you did was a disaster. Hard to live with. Where were they when the disasters occurred in the last year? They are immune as they haven't had those kinds of losses. And until you do...you don't understand the process. Life is sometimes not fair. But what I do know is there is always a silver lining and I will continue to unveil my silver linings as they are discovered with you.
For now...I'm wearing my Bronco gear and saying Go Big Blue as they are now playing the first game of the season just down the road a couple of hours from here...should have gone to the game...dang it.
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