Time marches on...

The challenges that one faces are seemingly insurmountable at times...even when they are different than they were before.  I abandoned this blog for a long time!  I don't know how that happened except that my traveling blog became my life....so this is like the secret life of Becky the Widow...and not the public life of Becky the traveler. 

There are continual challenges that we have to face when we end up with a new life...that's for certain.  The last year saw my daughter Brandi get married without her Dad to walk her down the aisle.  It was hard to decide who to ask and in the end, she asked her brother...the most ideal of all solutions and the best ever decision Brandi made for the wedding.  His wife, Ali, was the Matron of Honor and she was beautiful and stellar and helpful throughout the preparation and services.  The day was one to make me cry and be joyous all at the same time.  Tears were only those of happiness that day - despite all the tears of sadness leading up to is as Verle was just not there to help...and do his Dad thing as would have been preferred for Brandi.  But we were determined to make the day perfect and it was.  No thoughts were allowed to ruin the day.

My mother-in-law, Brandi's grandma, had a minor heart attack that day and created a little trauma behind the scenes.  We all pushed ahead and had an absolutely beautiful day.  No one told Brandi until the end of the reception.  Since she had been ill, Brandi just thought she wasn't able to make it...and on she pushed through her special day.  The photos are gorgeous...the photographer was stellar and did not interfere in the day as I had feared.  Those important people in our lives showed up...and many didn't. 

A New Year

The new year started with a lot of family reunions for Van and I mostly with his side of the family.  While it disrupted intended plans it will always be something I'm grateful for.  Our families are so important to us and we love all of them...

Life will be different when returning home...the chiropractic office is officially gone.  We can never go back to what was and life will never again be the same. It's another chapter of my past life that is now closed.  It's bittersweet as that practice made my life today possible.  It provided well for our family and we worked hard at making it go right.  While life dealt us a crappie hand...the future is still before those of us who remain.  And it demands that we continue to create and make things go right. 

As a result, I am still faced with solving problems related to priorities.  What is now the most important areas to put my attention on?  What do I want out of my remaining years? I feel rushed to live my bucket list as my time might run out too soon as well.  Maybe that feeling will subside with time...I really don't know.  For now I am trying to create a healthy happy balanced future for myself.  It will never again be as it was...but it can also be better if I intend it to be so.

So my resolution for this year is to live life to the fullest...to travel and have experiences that make me smile everyday.  I also intend to spend time with friends and family and to nurture my new relationships as well.  I hope that 2017 is truly a good year for all.

Happy New Year and don't forget to enjoy the moment no matter what life hands you for this too shall pass.

More Change

As time goes by there are continual changes that occur it seems.  I have leased the space in our office building.   probably the most difficult thing I have had to change and probably the last piece keeping me tied to the past. It's difficult to imagine that life would work out this way much less to live it.   However at this point I have a great solution ahead of me that week take a big load off as well.  And the people moving on are really nice and helpful.   While it doesn't make it ready it does make it easier.

If I can get the space cleaned out I will have moved mountains in my world.   It's so hard to explain how hard these tasks are when you are so connected to it...but like all else...I will get through it.  And on to a brighter new year.   Wish me luck!

Holiday Reflections

I sit tonight watching a Netflix show on the Rockettes Chrismas show that Brandi and I went to see just a year ago.  It's the same exact show - well rehearsed as it has been for years!    It was such a special time for us...but also one that would forecast so much change over the next year.  I find myself having to share my kids now with their spouses/significant others, with their jobs and their careers, and their hobbies and activities.  While that's as it should be, I miss them.  I'm sure you who have kids leave feel the same thing.  I'm thankful that they are happy and living their dreams.  That's the most important accomplishment a parent can have.

Time to make new memories and new traditions.  And have the happiest holiday ever!  The house is nearly decorated...and I wanted to share it with you.  

Holidays

About the time I think I'm moving forward with my "new" life - something comes up that makes me realize I'm not quite there yet.  The holidays are one of those times.  Every Christmas ornament comes with a story - with a memory.  Maybe it was because I was alone this Christmas while decorating - but it certainly was a trip down memory lane.  It's a reminder of the good and the not so good times of the last 40 years of my life.  I began collecting dated ornaments with the very first tree I had in my first apartment in 1976...and have a dated ornament from every year since then.  It's quite a collection now and one I hope that my kids will treasure.  For me, it is wrapped up in the reflections of years gone by.  Many of the memories are happy times - some of them sad - and some of them will never be the same.  Life changes...none of us survives it in this body.  While the spirit lives on, our identity in the body dies with the body.  We miss those who have passed on from this life and for me this holiday was the worst yet.

On the brighter side, it's part of the grieving process to miss people who you have lost.  But it's not a hopeless time either.  I have great friends and family - I have a new significant other in my life...and while things aren't always perfect or easy - everything I finish is another thing I don't have to face again.  With the final close of my deceased husband's business comes a lot of heartbreak - probably the hardest thing I have had to face other than his actual death in that first month.  I have been part of his Chiropractic practice since day 1.  It's hard to give up the outflow of help to all those patients over the years.  I cannot even begin to explain how much it would have meant to me to sell the practice - and continue to deliver healthcare to all of those patients I know and love.  But it was not meant to be.  I can't keep my husband alive by doing that and it just was not working out in so many ways.  So the practice was closed.  Now only the cleanup remains.  The building was remodeled and new tenants will be moving in soon.  It's only left for me to close the books and move out the furnishings.  But it is so very difficult to do at the same time.  It's a huge emotional drain.  I want it to be done and yet no one is there to help...so it gets done slowly over time.  The longer it takes, the sadder it feels.

So during this holiday - I am trying to remember to be thankful for the "new" life that will result from all of these changes and to be thankful for all the gifts that I received in a lifetime with Verle.  I have beautiful children and a bright future to enjoy.  Time will help - although I will always remember....

Have a happy holiday and keep looking for the brighter future that awaits you!  Together we can create a better world!

When one gets really sad news

I got a message last week that my Dad's last wife (he's been gone since 1990-ish) passed away.  This morning I decided to look up the obituary and send my condolences to her sons.  What I found was truly shocking to me.  I only found an article about an 86 year old grandmother by the same name that was murdered by her grandson about a month ago.  I am fairly certain that it is the same person.  How awful!  I feel terrible that I didn't know about it in a timely fashion.  My Uncle just got a message recently from one of the sons.  I'm waiting to hear if that in fact was the same woman I knew so many years ago so that I can hopefully respond appropriately.

I have not been in touch with her regularly as her mail was usually returned to me.  Then I would run across something later and we would have a brief conversation...then no more for some time.  I remember her as a fun-loving caring person.  I am really surprised that she remained single for all these years.  She was much better off financially as I recall than even my Dad...and she loved to put on airs and take me shopping when I was young.  It was quite a shock in my younger days to see how differently the store people treated her - as compared to me.  While I was equally as able to spend money as she was - because I was 30 years her junior...she got all the attention!  It was entertaining for me and I never took anything personally.  By the time I began to visit them, I was over my materialism to a great degree - so mostly found the whole scene entertaining.

As I reflect on those early life lessons, this is what I gained from them.  I would rather by fashionable, trendy things from a cheap store so that I feel no guilt if I get tired of it and give it away later.  I once bought a purse that I spent a lot of money on...and I couldn't ever part with it because it was an investment.  Never again! It went away when I moved finally although I had not used it for years.  I would rather travel and spend money on experiences than gather more things that I have to care for and dust.  Those trinkets are just not important anymore and I can seldom remember why or where I bought them.  I love to take pictures...although I really don't do anything with them either.  Thankfully it's all digital and I can just enjoy the hobby of it without thinking about what I must do with it (or where to store it as in the case of print film and pictures).  Just remember to always make backups as they are your most favorite memories in the making and someday that will be important to you and your family.  Someday I will get all those prints into digital format I hope.

My life is an open book on which I can now create.  You can never sit by complacently and wait as bad things happen to good people on this planet.  Live your bucket list NOW!  Don't wait til tomorrow if you can do it today.  While I realize that most of us must work for a living, be diligent in planning your bucket list trip for next year.  Where do you want to go in 2017?  My first trip is to Panama as I have always wanted to see and experience the Panama Canal.  So I have researched and made plans to tour the country.  I can hardly wait.  Yesterday I researched how to travel lightly as the small planes have serious weight limits and a lot of our travel is rural.  So exciting!  I plan to do some travel writing in the future...so watch for those details coming soon!  In the meantime, I ordered travel gear to make traveling light a reality.

Have the best week of 2016 this week as we start to approach Thanksgiving.  Be grateful for all that life has given you!  Tell someone thank you today!

Today's meanderings...

Perhaps I will start a non-profit that helps to make a difference.  There are so many worthwhile causes out there...for me it's about helping individuals and families...not administrations.  Worthwhile causes get down and dirty with the people they are helping.  I'm about natural healthcare as the first option, medical healthcare only after that if natural fails.  I am against drugs that make people commit suicide or do crazy things.  I'm about education that truly educates.  The current system is failing our youth.  I'm about giving people equal rights - protecting human rights for all. I'm about making businesses succeed and an economy that flourishes and prospers.  I want to help able people become more able so that this happens.  I'm about making the world a better place one person at a time.  I love to help!