Life goes on

Today I'm struggling.  For no real reason..just feels like a struggle.  I met with a new perspective client for a big event..and I'm torn.  Do I continue on the path or is it time to make a new one?  And if it's a new one...what will that look like? 

I'm reconnecting with work and knowing I enjoy it makes me want to help.  Yet really I want to travel and not make the commitments to others that I might not be able to fill to the perfection level that I  demand of myself.  I feel a little lost with no clear direction in life.  I don't know what's right for me?  I feel guilty not wanting to work.  I feel guilty that my position is what it is because of a tragedy and loss.  It's a real struggle for me.

How do you handle crossroads in your life?  I'm heading to my church for some help in figuring out what I need to do in the next month.  Some spiritual healing is needed for sure. 

What I do know is that things will work out.  The pieces will once more become a whole. While today is not my best day ever...the future is bright and life will go on. 

Take care and make it a good day!  Tell someone how much you love them...now.

Another week

The struggle is real...famous millennial quote as that is what my daughter says often.  With fall and cooler weather we have been fighting colds this week in our household.  Colds come from threat of a loss generally speaking.  Maybe it's as simple as the loss of warm summer days...or a season where not enough was accomplished.  For me it was the loss of the chiropractic business. 

How do you deal with loss?  It's always a struggle whether it's a person who passed away or something that it's simply time to give it up and move on to something else.  I try to focus on the future and what can I do that's even better than before.  For me...I now have rental property to fill.  I have repairs make and updates to the building that I must invest in to make it so.  If I focus on the future create, I seem to have less regrets from the past.  My biggest concern is the amount of time it takes to get it done.  It's hard to pack up the office and move ahead...but so healing and necessary at the same time.

How are you handling the losses in your life..big and small? 

Here's to a brighter future.  Live life large as it can be fleeting.  I'm focusing on tomorrow while living today to the fullest possible.  Here's to a great weekend!

New day and progress

Home Sweet Home

The best feeling in the world is walking into my house after having been gone for awhile.  I noticed that it still smells new even though it's nearly a year since I moved in.  I am a lucky girl to have such a lovely place to live in for the rest of my life as I choose.  I am thankful and grateful time have a home to always return to from my travels.  It's my safe haven from the stress and trials of life and the stressful world.  It's close to my children and I love that as well. 

It truly is the relationships in my life that are most important to me...and the experiences that I get to create with them when they allow me.  Van is not home and I miss him...but I will see him in a few hours.  He is a special addition to my life and I treasure what we have together.  

As I decompress from traveling and running the nearly two week conference for my VPEducation post for the last time...I have learned many lessons that one will share over time.  For today...this is enough.  I am home and feeling very grateful today.  On my way to the Eastern side of the state soon.  

Hope your day is a good one too. 

Homeward bound

Today I head back home to Idaho after nearly two weeks in New Orleans.  I am a volunteer member of the board for the American Needlepoint Guild. Bet you didn't know that about me?  I'm a certified teacher and judge, as well as a Master Needleartist.  I'm good at finishing programs anyway but never made any money at any of those.  It has been a hard and stressful job for which there is little appreciation especially since the loss of my husband.

One of the things that I can look back on and realize is that I always said I was ok...and I was at the moment...but I was never really ok.  Sudden loss changes you to the very core of your being.  You are different in an instant.  It's hard to embrace those changes or even to realize the magnitude of how it changes you.  Everyone tells you not to change anything or make any major decisions for a year.  And yet you inherit instant changes whether you want them or not.  It's this strange dichotomy of change but don't. That causes one to think she's getting along just fine and suddenly someone you know and trust tells you that what you did was a disaster.  Hard to live with.  Where were they when the disasters occurred in the last year?  They are immune as they haven't had those kinds of losses.  And until you do...you don't understand the process.  Life is sometimes not fair.  But what I do know is there is always a silver lining and I will continue to unveil my silver linings as they are discovered with you. 

For now...I'm wearing my Bronco gear and saying Go Big Blue as they are now playing the first game of the season just down the road a couple of hours from here...should have gone to the game...dang it. 

Elusive Sleep

I don't know if I'm unique...but sleep has become so very elusive.  I long for a full night that I just sleep without dreaming..without waking up every other hour.  Falling asleep is manageable for me...but staying asleep or feeling refreshed when I wake just doesn't seem to happen.

I'm frequently trying various things...music...meditation...supplements. So far I have not found the secret.

Do you dream at night?  Do you think there is any significance in your dreams?  I work in my dreams so that adds to my fatigue the next morning.  I'm currently dreaming about finances in regard to work, like how much to I charge an attendee for this function or that tour.  And since I'm esessntially planning to retire I really don't understand where these dreams are coming from in origin.  What is the underlying message?  Why do I create these at night?  What am I worrying needlessly about?

I continue to search for tips and remedies and things that work.  If you have a routine that helps you please share it with me!

A new day...

I have been considering writing this blog for some time now.  I keep putting it off but tonight I was only slightly inspired.  It's a real pain to take an existing blogger and try to rename it.  But here we go.  I don't know if this one will stick but I wanted to share some of my life in the hopes that it might improve yours.

This week was another tough one for me.  I finally got the big house sold last week...or maybe the week before now...and you would think I could be on cruise control for awhile.  But NO..that is not my life.  This week yet another big blow up.  After being told for 6 weeks that my chiropractor would continue and take over the business as of September 1...when I leave town he decides to leave the business as he doesn't believe that he can make it.  It's better I find out now than later I know.  But yet it's another ended cycle in my prior life.  And yet another loss.  It gets old trying to make things go right for everyone and having people just walk away without even trying.  It is so frustrating and disheartening.  It really does make one more selfish because the more one gives - the more people poop all over you. 

Maybe that's enough of a rant.  Maybe not.  Lesson learned - get a contract in place for something before you do any work on that project.  I spent the last few weeks remodeling to suit him and then he walks out on it.  WHAT????

Really enough! At least I had a good Breakfast at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans this morning!

Learn from this.  People don't do what they say.  Maybe a contractual agreement first would help them get their head out of the sand and make a decision.  I now have two staff unemployed because I didn't have time to make a new plan fast enough because I was mislead into thinking we were on an agreed upon plan.  Why when I leave town does this happen?  I must really be scary to tell the truth to - that's all I can say.  

Tomorrow is a new day...I will let you know how it goes.